If you love someone who drinks too much – whether it’s binge drinking on the week-ends or drinking several drinks a night or you might even think of them as an alcoholic, but your not for sure, sure – then you’ve likely been told by your loved one things like:
I am soooooo sorry. You know how much I love you. I promise – promise – that won’t happen, again.
I didn’t lie. You asked if I’d gone out with Bob, not John. If you’d asked about John, I would have told you.
I know, I know… but it was Susan’s birthday lunch, and we were all very aware of having to be out of there in time to pick up our kids. And I was being very careful, too, so I have no idea how I could have gotten a DUI – you know I’d never endanger our children!
The complexity of their omissions, half truths and nuanced rationalizations and the slicing and dicing and mincing of words is phenomenal when you think about it. Top that with our determination to get them to admit their lie or broken promise or to agree with our right to be ticked off, and we find ourselves living in a nightmare.
What to Do When You’re Sick and Tired of the Drinker’s Lies and Broken Promises
1. Understand what “normal” drinking looks like. This will help you know when to avoid confrontation because you’re loved one’s brain is not functioning normally. Check out this post, What Is Considered Normal Drinking.
2. Don’t get caught up in the label, i.e., whether or not their an alcoholic. Stick solely to the fact, “Your drinking behavior(s) are unacceptable.” [Drinking behaviors include: verbal, physical, emotional abuse; neglect; physical violence; DUI; insisting on an insane, circular argument; falling asleep every night on the couch after drinking before, during and after dinner.] Remind yourself, if your loved one had consumed 4 glasses of water, would you even be having a conversation about their behavior – their lie or broken promise, for example? Of course not. That’s because water does not change brain function the way the ethyl alcohol chemical in alcoholic beverages does. Check out this post, Understand How the Body Processes Alcohol – Reduce Secondhand Drinking.
3. Understand what helps and what doesn’t when talking to someone about their drinking. Check out What to Say to Someone With a Drinking Problem.
4. Understand there’s only so much you can control. Check out Courage to Change the Things I Can.
Additional Resources on What to Do When You’re Sick and Tired of Being Sick and Tired
Here are four of my most popular blog posts on the issues covered by this general topic:
- Why Addicts Lie, Cheat and Steal
- How to You Trust an Addict | Alcoholic
- Detach – Detach With Love — You’ve Got to be Kidding
- Even Dogs Experience Secondhand Drinking
And here is an eBook. This link is to the Kindle version, but it comes in all e-Reader formats so you can find the one that fits yours, if Kindle is not it.
- Quick Guide to Secondhand Drinking: A Phenomenon That Affects Millions – Secondhand Drinking is the other side of alcohol misuse. It’s what happens to people who are affected by another person’s drinking behaviors.