Will You – The Parents – Be Drinking?
Parents drinking – just how far will you go to press the point, “Will you – the parents – be drinking tonight?”
Think about it: When our child or teen is planning to spend the night at a friend’s house, we often call the other parent to ask if they’ll be home; to compare stories about what the kids have told them of their plans for the evening; and to make sure the other parent intends to enforce a reasonable curfew.
But do we [would we] ever consider asking, “And will you – the parents – be drinking tonight?”
Asking about parents drinking can be very tricky – especially when you don’t know them very well.
It would never have occurred to me to ask when my daughters were that age, nor am I sure I would have had the confidence, let alone the belief that I had the “right,” to do it back then. But given the research I’ve studied this past decade, and the fact that April is Alcohol Awareness Month, I think it’s worth exploring the subject.
Parents Drinking When Our Child is in Their Charge – Should It Be a Concern?
It’s not uncommon for parents to go out to dinner with the kids and their friends and split a bottle of wine. It’s not unusual for parents to relax with a few drinks on Friday night while the kids and their friends are downstairs watching a movie. Nor is it uncommon for parents to split a pitcher of beer or enjoy a couple of glasses of wine with the other parents at a middle-school sports award dinner.
But, what happens if one of those parents chooses or needs to drive (as in an emergency) with your child in the car?
According to the California Department of Motor Vehicles’ (DMV) website, a “couple of drinks” may cause a person’s BAC (blood alcohol concentration) to register .08% or higher. In other words, they would likely be ticketed for a DUI. The following excerpts from the CA DMV chart are based solely on the variable of weight (see #5):
110-129 lbs: 2 or more standard drinks* within 1 hour
130-149 lbs: 3 or more standard drinks* within 2 hours
170-189 lbs: 4 or more standard drinks* within 2 hours
*A standard drink is defined as 1.5 ounces of “hard liquor” (such as 80-proof vodka, gin, bourbon or scotch), 5 ounces of wine, 12 ounces of regular beer, or 8-9 ounces of malt liquor (ale or lager beers, as examples).
How is this possible that such seemingly low quantities – and certainly quantities that fall within the definition of low-risk drinking (see #3 below) – could result in a DUI? Here are five key reasons:
1. Alcohol is not processed by the digestive system like other foods and liquids. Alcohol avoids the normal digestive process and goes directly to the bloodstream from the small intestine. Because alcohol dissolves in water, the bloodstream carries it throughout the body (which is 60-70% water) where it is absorbed into body tissue high in water content, such as the brain. Alcohol is metabolized by enzymes in the liver. It takes the liver about one hour (often up to two hours) to metabolize (rid the body of) the alcohol in one standard drink. Thus the only thing that can sober a person up is time – not food, not coffee, not a walk or cold shower – only time – the time it takes the liver to metabolize the alcohol in however many standard drinks of alcohol a person consumes.
2. Alcohol affects brain functioning. The brain is mostly water and highly vascularized (lots of blood vessels), and it controls everything we think, feel, say and do. When a person drinks more alcohol than their liver can metabolize, the excess alcohol stays in the bloodstream – “sits” in the brain, for example, and there suppresses certain brain functions. It is that which gets in the way of a person’s ability to think straight, act responsibly and/or behave normally, such as judging themselves unsafe to drive after having a couple of drinks.
3. Low-risk drinking limits do not necessarily make a person safe to drive.
Low risk drinking limits are defined as:
- For women: no more than 7 standard drinks in a week, with no more than 3 of those 7 on any day.
- For men: no more than 14 standard drinks in a week, with no more than 4 of those 14 on any day.
However, as you read in the DMV excerpts, these limits do not necessary make a person “safe” to drive. Low risk limits help a person stay in control of their brain, such as making the decision not to drive after having had “only a couple of drinks.”
4. Not all ‘drinks’ or drink containers are the same. A Margarita, for example, may contain 2-3 standard drinks; a bottle of table wine contains 5. It would take approximately 2-3 hours to get rid of the alcohol contained in the Margarita drink cited in this example. The same would be true of a tall, 24-ounce can of regular beer. To find out the number of standard drinks in a cocktail or container, check out NIAAA’s Rethinking Drinking calculator tools.
5. Many other factors also affect how the body processes alcohol. “Things” like weight, gender, medications being taken, stage of brain development, and genetics, all play a role, as does whether food has been eaten. Not that the food absorbs the alcohol, but it does slow how quickly the alcohol passes through to the small intestine and from there into the bloodstream. Water, by the way, does not dilute the alcohol [again, because it is not digested like other liquids]. The only advantage to drinking water is to help a person minimize hangover symptoms, caused in part by the dehydration caused by alcohol, and pace themselves while drinking alcohol.
Final Thoughts About Parents Drinking
The more aware we are of these facts and the more we share them with other parents and our children, the more equipped we all will be to make safe decisions about drinking, about drinking and driving or accepting rides from someone who has been drinking. We’ll also be better prepared with our own answer to the question, “Will you – the parents – be drinking?” when it’s our turn to supervise the kids.
Lisa Frederiksen
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Safety first is what is so important when it comes to our kids. This is a good question that should be asked of parents. Will my child be in a car driven by someone who has been drinking? is another way to frame it. Great tips here, Lisa and an important message for all families.
I like the way you’ve re-framed the question, Cathy. Thanks for your input and comment.
This is one awesome article and very enlightening! I’m glad you decided to do this …
Thanks very much, Sharon – glad you think it makes sense!
I don’t know if the incidence of alcoholism has escalated that dramatically, or if we were just oblivious to it back then. (Do you happen to know, Lisa? Are reliable statistics available?) But I have to say that life was sure simpler when we were kids growing up in the 60s.
Great question, Sharon – I’ll see what I can find out. Based on the people I work with, however (the people around our age, growing up in the 60s), I’d say it was a very similar but the stigma and secrecy were so great (think talking about sex or breast cancer or pregnancy). It’s only been in this past decade that people are being more open to talking about their personal experiences – putting a face on recovery, for example – and that would be my guess as to why it seems the numbers have escalated dramatically.
Good questions for parents of minors to think about. While many would NEVER put their children in cars where young adults were drinking (early 20s), they don’t think twice about allowing their children to ride with friend’s parents who are drinking.
So true, Martha! Thanks for reading and adding your comment.
I think it is perfectly fine to ask if people will be drinking while your child is in their care! If they don’t like it then a) you child can not go over there or b) they might choose not to drink if it bothers you. Food for thought! Thanks for sharing!
Thanks for your comment, Liz!!
You always share such great info and tips. Your questions are good for parents and minors to consider. I tried to get my room mate to read this but he says he doesn’t have a problem. It’s a long story but he drinks and drives and I’ve had enough. I am looking for a place to move too. One cannot help someone who doesn’t want to help themselves.
Thank you so much, Alexandra! And you’re right – you cannot help someone who won’t help themselves. Likely, you’ll find the perfect place to move to, and it will give you much peace and joy. You deserve it!!!!
As was mentioned before, safety is always first when we are talking about caring for children other than our own. It is highly unsafe to drink alcohol when you are caring for children other than your own. In the case of an emergency, who will drive, who will maintain order, and who will be responsible?
Good questions, Meryl – ones most parents don’t think to ask, I’m afraid. Thanks so much for your comment.
Thank you Lisa! I would have not thought about it like that. You brought up some good points!
Thanks, MarVeena – I appreciate your comment!
Thank you Alexandra, for a great article about parents and drinking alcohol, while being responsible for children. You’ve given parents a lot to think about in similar situations.
Chilling thought for all the parents out there sending their kids to their friends house. Thanks for sharing
You’re welcome – appreciate the input, Tom.
Oh boy, never would have even thought to ask that question when my son was around. Although he didn’t have many friends (sad face), I found out years later that the mom of his primary friend allowed pot smoking in the house and that gave me a big, freaky scare!
I know what you mean, MamaRed. It just wasn’t even on my radar back then. Thanks for your comment!
as everyone said, safety always come first. I couldn’t imagine sending my child to someone for night not knowing at least something about it
Thanks for the comment, Winston!
Lisa, you’ve made the facts about alcohol’s impact on the body so simple to understand, it makes it easier for parents to get how important their involvement in their kids activities is. Thanks for bringing this important parent tip forward.
Thank you, Michael – I’m glad this had the desired intent – to raise awareness – very much appreciate your comment.
Thank you, Michael – I’m glad this had the desired intent – to raise awareness – very much appreciate your comment.
Excellent article! Raising awareness of what one is doing personally is important but asking these questions are equally as important! You do an excellent job of helping build awareness and I am sure on many levels, responsibility.
Thank you so much, Moira – I appreciate your comment and compliment!
That is a very scary thought to think of the parents that should not be driving that are on the road! Great point you make in your article!
Thanks, Daniele – I agree, it is scary!
What an awesome article – very enlightening! I’m so glad you decided to bring awareness on this subject. Thanks!
Appreciate your enthusiasm for this one – thanks so much for your comment!
So much to think about when you have children, and a very good point. I don’t know how parents do it without worrying themselves to death.
It is a great deal to think about – I agree. Hopefully this can serve as a conversation starter. Thanks for your comment, Aimee.
Excellent post! Most parents would never think to ask this question…great insight and education here!
Thanks, Anita! That sure was the case for me – I’d never dream of asking back when my daughters were of that age.
What an excellent article, Lisa! Alcohol abuse is such a tangled web, isn’t it? Thank you for spotlighting this and for your insights!
It really is, Robin – thanks so much for the comment!