Do You Have to Call Yourself an Alcoholic
Do you have to call yourself an alcoholic to get sober?
One of the biggest stumbling blocks for people wanting to stop or cut down on their drinking is the belief that doing so makes them an “alcoholic.” [It’s a similar stumbling block for their family members, who are experiencing secondhand drinking (the impacts on their emotional and physical health caused by coping with their loved one’s drinking behaviors) but are afraid to take a stand against those behaviors because it could be construed they believe their loved one is an alcoholic.]
The 1980s “Just Say No” effort used these sorts of images, which contributed to the shame of calling oneself an alcoholic (or drug addict) and stigmatized people who did.
For it’s the label, “alcoholic,” of which a person is often most fearful – a label that much of society views as someone who is white knuckling his/her way through life, one sip away from a relapse, with permanent brain damage (think of the 1980s message, “Your Brain on Drugs”). It’s a label much of society has surrounded in stigma and shame because of society’s mistaken understanding it’s a matter of willpower and not the brain disease it is now understood to be.
But there’s good news! There is NO NEED to call oneself an alcoholic to get sober. In fact, millions of people who drink too much are NOT alcohol dependent – meaning they’re not alcoholics – the term that’s long been assigned, but only recently understood, to define people with the chronic, often relapsing brain disease of alcoholism (one of the brain diseases of addiction).
So How Do You Know if Your Drinking is a Problem
One way is to ask yourself if your drinking pattern is causing secondhand drinking. In other words, are you having arguments or intense discussions with loved ones or friends about how you behave when drinking? Have you gotten a DUI or awaken in bed with someone you’d not planned to sleep with? Does your family member or friend tell you about mean things you said or did the night before, things you know in your heart-of-hearts you’d never have done had you not been drinking? If so, you’re drinking is a problem. It does not, however, necessarily mean you’re an alcoholic.
Another way to determine if your drinking is a problem is to answer the National Institute on Alcohol Abuse and Alcoholism (NIAAA) single question screen, How many times in the past year have you had:
4 or more standard drinks in a day (for women)?
5 or more standard drinks in a day (for men)?
A “Standard Drink” is defined as 5 ounces of wine, 3.3 ounces of champagne, 12 ounces of regular beer, 1.5 ounces of 80 proof hard liquor (vodka, for example) and 8-9 ounces of lager (dark ales).
An answer or once or more is defined as “at-risk” drinking, meaning you are not drinking within “low-risk” or “normal” limits and are “at-risk” for developing a problem. This still does not mean your an alcoholic, and this post, “How Do You Know if Someone is an Alcoholic,” will give you further information to explain the distinction.
So, now to the question and reason for this post…
Do You Have to Call Yourself an Alcoholic to Get Sober
Heavens no!
In fact millions (literally millions) of Americans choose sobriety without ever labeling themselves an alcoholic, without going through a “typical,” 28-day residential treatment program and without participating in a 12-step program.
How / why is this possible?
First of all, it’s important to remember that not all people who drink too much have the chronic, often relapsing brain disease of addiction (in terms of this post, an addiction to alcohol). These individuals may be able to learn to “re-drink,” meaning to drink within “low-risk” limits or they may simply choose not to drink at all.
And of those who do have the chronic, often relapsing brain disease of addiction (aka alcoholism when the substance is alcohol), it is still possible to find sobriety and recovery without ever calling oneself an alcoholic and without engaging in the sort of treatment society typically associates with recovery – namely rehab. It is possible to do it by making the decision to stop drinking and in whatever fashion works for you, treat your brain disease (and there are millions and millions who have done this with no idea it’s a brain disease but used whatever route they chose to help themselves stop drinking – actions, that when taken, did, in fact, heal their brains).
Consider these numbers:
Addiction = 23.2 million (a/o linked source 2007)
Cancer = 12.5 million (a/o linked source 2009)
Both cancer and addiction are diseases. Disease, by it’s simplest definition, is something that changes cells in a negative way. Because addiction (alcoholism) changes cells in the brain, a person’s BEHAVIORS change with this disease, something we don’t see with cancer, which typically doesn’t attack the brain, instead changing cells in other organs, such as the lungs, liver, prostate or breast, which in turn changes the health and/or function of those organs.
Would we require a person with cancer to call themselves a “canceric” in order to receive much-needed treatment? Would we shame them into submission by suggesting there’s only one way to treat their cancer, rather than by sharing the array of treatment options – helping them weigh the pros and cons of each one in terms of their particular cancer and then trying any and all if one or more fail? Would we care if they never told us they were living with cancer in remission?
Heavens no.
So Let’s Keep It Simple
Let’s not worry about the label, “alcoholic.” Let’s simply celebrate a person’s decision to stop the drinking that causes the behaviors that result when they drink more than their liver can process – the behaviors that have made their lives and the lives of their loved ones unmanageable.
If it means referring to themselves as a person who chooses to live their life without drinking or as a person who is treating their brain disease of alcoholism (addiction) or as an alcoholic or as a person who chooses not to say anything to anyone, period, so be it. Let’s celebrate their decision, not their label or lack thereof.
To be clear, here, treating the brain disease of alcoholism (addiction) can be very complicated – especially for those with a co-occurring disorder or one of the underlying risk factors contributing to a person developing alcoholism – so I don’t want to come off as making it seem easy. It’s not. Nonetheless, it’s doable without the label and that’s the sole point of this post.
For more information on what it takes to cross the line from use to dependence, consider buying my eBook ($3.49), Crossing The Line From Alcohol Use to Abuse to Dependence. And if you don’t have a Kindle, here’s the link to the free reading app to read this Kindle version from any device (phone, laptop, touch pad).
Lisa Frederiksen
Latest posts by Lisa Frederiksen (see all)
- Does a Loved One Have to Hit Bottom? - November 20, 2022
- Resources for Parents of Children with Substance Use and Mental Disorders - October 18, 2022
- 4 Things to Support Brain Health and Function for Recovery - August 30, 2022
I remember about 4 years into my recovery process (of which I am ten+ years abstinent now) being in job interviews and about half way through the interviews the word addict and alcoholic would jump out in my head. Those thoughts amplified into “I’m no good” “I don’t deserve this” “I’m a fraud” and so on. My interviews bombed at that point. Horribly stigmatizing for me. I stopped utilizing support groups that embraced the use of those names alcoholic, addiction, drunk, junkie etc. I was able to arrive at a place where I decided I was much more than my addiction and moved forward comfortably with my life. I now have an amazing career that I don’t have to worry that I am in recovery which is kind of nice. But, not everyone will have that opportunity. I will always be mindful of my past, so as to not slip back into old behaviours, but I don’t have to label myself an alcoholic or addiction to be successful.
I really appreciate you sharing your experience, Michael as it highlights how destructive the label can be for some people. Congratulations on your 10+ years sobriety and successful career!
This is a great persepective Lisa. It seems like a lot of people think that they have to stand up at a meeting and say ‘Hi, My name is x and I am an alcoholic’, etc. in order to make progress with any changes they want to make regarding alcohol. So in that regard I think you message is very refreshing. Thanks again!
Thanks so much for your comment, Leslie.
Lisa, you have given us some incredible facts about alcoholism and labeling. This journey is still pretty new to me, and I understand that we all choose sobriety for our own personal reasons. It took me a long time to admit that I had a problem, whether my alcoholism stemmed from a brain addiction or it was because I liked to drink every single night until I blacked out; only to repeat this process every single day since college. I grew up around alcohol as it was always used as a household ticket to argumentative events and the parade of shame and destruction that dwelled within our family. Combine this with the loss of one of my fathers from a murder in Philadelphia to discovering my biological father at the age of 12, only to be abandoned by both of them by the time I was 17 and never fully admired by my step-father; alcohol dependency was an escape goat and an excuse to allow myself to continue to fall. It was only after my mother’s liver failed that I was scared enough to realize I had a big problem, whether I was an alcoholic or someone who wanted to black out every night, and had no choice but to clean my act up. Now that I look back to my 20s, most of it is just a blur and saddens me to think I washed my college education away with the neglect and potential I once had within myself. It’s been a year and half since I decided to never touch alcohol again and I am finally proud that I can continue on as the author and caregiver I once strived to be.
Wow, Gina… what life experiences you’ve had and thank you for sharing them as it’s sure to help others. It’s wonderful you’ve found your way to sobriety and are doing so well, now. I love your blog, by the way, and think it’s awesome you’re able to use your obvious writing gift to help others. Enjoy!
So great to bypass the labeling when it comes to alcohol issues, Lisa. I feel so many more people would enter treatment programs if they had options or could try limiting their drinking first before they stopped altogether. They should at least have the opportunity to try that route first. We definitely need options and flexibility when it comes to alcohol issues to reach out and help more people. Thanks as always for an insightful post!
I absolutely agree with you, Cathy! A huge part of the progression of the disease is a person’s belief they’ll wrest control of how much and how often. If that person is given the science and information that explains what moderate or “normal” use is and they agree to try for that but find it fails, they will likely be more open to the further science that explains with addiction, no amount can be used without triggering the embedded, addiction-related brain maps. Additionally, huge numbers of people who abuse a substance do not have the disease of addiction – they abuse the substance but are not dependent on it. Thanks so much for your comment!
Hi Lisa, Herby here, alcoholic…Doohhhh!!
YOU are a positive change agent of the purest kind. Gotta tell you, it was absolutely IMPERATIVE for me to call myself an alcoholic/addict in the formative years…the years before we had a better grasp of the brain science and knew a little more about…”How it Works.” And now, after all these years I wear the label as a personal badge of honor, but let’s face it, it still only rolls like a charm in recovery circles.
If a person is not down with “alcoholic” and AA protocol, for goodness sakes, let’s not exclude the possibility of healing if other methods can help–and they can/do. AA and the labels work great for a lot of people, but for many more, it does not. And to say, “they just don’t get it” doesn’t help either–even if it’s true like it was for me! People gotta get it the way they’re gonna get it. It occurs to me that what you’re alluding to is hella powerful in that what we’re really talking about is GETTING HEALTHY!
So call it what you want and hang with a mutual support group with a process and a label if it works, fellow drink too muchers, but for God’s sake, recruit some help and GET HEALTHY because you absolutely can!
This is tricky in that proactive challenging way, but I truly believe you’re on to language and solid information here that is the foundation of revolutionizing addiction treatment, recovery and wellness.
Can tell by the passion of others commenting you’re on to something right on, Lisa–as ever, Thank You!
THANK YOU, HERBY!!! You read this in the way it was intended – if calling oneself an alcoholic is what helps with their recovery, then that’s exactly what one should do. It’s the notion of “have to” that’s a problem for the reasons outlined in this piece. And as you said, and I know is the foundation of your work with clients through your business, Recovery Health Care, “what we’re really talking about is GETTING HEALTHY!” So appreciate the comment and support!
Totally with you on this, Lisa. I had no problem referring to myself as “alcoholic” as I achieved sobriety/recovery. However, the “label” may pose a problem for some. And, as you said, perhaps a disease/disorder really isn’t present. From a psych point of view, labeling someone with – say – major depressive disorder would have no bearing on someone wanting to elevate their mood. Always a pleasure reading what you have to say, Lisa. Thank you…
Bill
Thank you, Bill – appreciate you sharing your personal AND professional experiences with this.
Hi Lisa, this post makes a lot of sense to me. I have two alcoholic loved ones who will speak openly about their addiction to alcohol but will not use the words alcoholism or addiction. They are active in their recovery efforts so I’ve long wondered why they avoid those words in our conversations about it. I never gave much thought about the stigma those words hold. Thank you for bringing this to light for me. Great point about the fact that there are many people who drink too much or abuse alcohol who are not addicts. There’s a lot of misinformation in our society about this, isn’t there? Thank goodness people like you are helping to clarify things. Thank you, as always, Lisa.
Hi Jody – the unfolding of all of this over the course of my research has been a real revelation for me, as well. It’s great to hear that you, having had similar family experiences with loved one’s alcoholism or alcohol abuse, find it helpful. Let’s hope this new science can help shatter this shame so we can see people who struggle with addiction in the same manner we see people who struggle with cancer or heart disease or diabetes. Thanks so much for your comment!
We sometimes get so caught up in titles; in life, in business, in recovery, that I think we can do a disservice to ourselves. However, giving our problems a name can be the first step to acknowledging our need for recovery. Whatever title that may be. Good article.
Thanks, Hyrum, for sharing your perspective! And, I agree – especially at first, identifying oneself as an alcoholic or addict can be extremely helpful to one’s sobriety. Appreciate the comment!
[…] all costs. I’ve explored this issue many times in my work and most recently in two posts I wrote, Do You Have to Call Yourself an Alcoholic to Get Sober and Addiction Relapse – Do You Have to Start Recovery Over From Day […]
I stopped drinking when an online fasting buddy called me an alcoholic. I still have trouble with labeling myself an alcoholic. I grew up with a hardcore alcoholic, my dad, and I resist the use of such a severe label for myself. I have been attending AA meetings and still have difficulty calling myself an alcoholic. I am relieved to know that there are people who struggle with alcohol, but do not have the brain disease of addiction. So when I attend the meetings, I will just say my name, name and see what happens.
Thanks for sharing your experience with this, Laurie. And you’re absolutely right – you don’t have to call yourself an alcoholic – it’s entirely up to you. Take care and wishing you all the best, Lisa