Talking to a Child About Secondhand Drinking | a Parent’s Drinking – CLICK on image to download FREE pdf Booklet. Please know it may take a little while for the file to upload.

Talking to a child about a parent’s drinking – Secondhand Drinking – HOW do you do it? How do you sooth a child whose mommy or daddy yells at them or belittles them when they’ve been drinking. How do you explain to a child their daddy and mommy still loves them when you don’t believe it yourself because you ask yourself, “How could any parent claim to love their child and continue the drinking that’s hurting them?” How do you help a child understand it’s not them [the child] that makes their parent act the way they do so that the child doesn’t grow up believing they weren’t good enough or smart enough or helpful enough or….?

And what is secondhand drinking, anyway? Secondhand drinking refers to the negative impacts of a person’s drinking behaviors on others. These drinking behaviors occur with a variety of drinking patterns: binge drinking, heavy drinking, alcohol abuse, and alcoholism, and are collectively referred to as alcohol use disorders.

Drinking behaviors include verbal, physical, emotional abuse; neglect; and driving while impaired, as examples. Repeatedly coping with secondhand drinking can cause a child to have difficulty concentrating in school, be misdiagnosed with ADHD, have learning or processing differences, or develop reactionary coping skills, like fighting, yelling, hitting, or angry outbursts. These kinds of reactionary coping skills often cause a child to be labeled a “behavioral problem” and find themselves shunned or bullied by their peers.

As someone whose personal experiences with secondhand drinking and who has worked with hundreds of parents and children and adult children of alcoholics grappling with their own experiences, I decided to write a short, FREE booklet for adults – the parents, older siblings, grandparents, teachers and concerned family friends – the adults in a position to help a child understand.

Why It’s Important to Talk to a Child About a Parent’s Drinking – Secondhand Drinking

Secondhand drinking will be part of the lives of the one in four children who live with a parent abusing alcohol or other drugs before the age of 18. It will also be part of the experiences of thousands more children whose lives intersect with these one in four. Please read, “The Oprah Winfrey Show – [Beyond] The Diane Schuler Story,” to better understand this last statement.

The verbal, physical and emotional abuse or neglect that often occurs in families with parental alcohol use disorder often results in childhood trauma. Childhood trauma is now commonly referred to as Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACEs). These are extremely stressful or traumatic events happening to a child before age 18 and were first classified as ACEs in the CDC-Kaiser ACE Study.

Childhood trauma actually changes the way a child’s brain wires, maps and develops. It changes the very quality of that child’s life. And it is one of the five key risk factors contributing to a child developing their own alcohol use disorder later in life. All of this is explained in the booklet, and for more on this, now, check out my post, “Secondhand Drinking – Why We Must Prevent It.”

About the Free Booklet, “Talking to a Child About Secondhand Drinking” | a Parent’s Drinking

Helping a child understand secondhand drinking – the impacts on the child and their other family members – can change that child’s life. This booklet is arranged in four sections and opens with Rachael’s story, “When Daddy Drinks” (ages 3 and up).

Through Rachel’s story, we get a sense of what happens to her daddy and everyone in her family when her daddy drinks too much. It is included to give you some places from which to start to help a child become better able to share his or her own story. Rachel’s story is followed by Key Concepts you will want that child to understand. These are followed by Key Facts to help you understand the latest research on alcohol misuse and secondhand drinking. And the concluding pages share Key Resources for further information.

The good news is that there has been some amazing research conducted in just the past 10-15-20 years – much in just this Century. This research is helping us better understand alcohol abuse, alcoholism and secondhand drinking. Much of this research is due in large part to new imaging technologies that allow scientists and medical professionals to study the living human brain in action and over time. They can actually see what alcohol misuse does to the brain and therefore why it affects a person’s behaviors. This research is shattering the misinformation, shame and denial that surround a loved one’s drinking problem and helping the family get the help that’s needed.

Reactions to the Booklet

“I think it’s brilliant!

“Lisa Frederiksen has created a thorough and informative guide to help family members understand and discuss the effects of alcohol abuse or alcoholism. This booklet will be a great resource to any parent to better explain to their child what is really going on in their family when there is excessive drinking behaviors. Sharing Rachel’s story gives the reader a peak into the real life drama of the dysfunction that occurs on a daily basis because of a father’s drinking. The booklet goes on and shares the importance of understanding what happens to the brain when drinking occurs and five key facts about alcohol abuse that would be helpful for any family to know. 

If you are struggling with a family member’s drinking problem, “Talking to a Child about Second Hand Drinking” will give you the essential information to understand your loved one’s drinking behavior. This booklet will help you and your child understand the unhealthy coping skills that family members can develop because of alcohol abuse.

~ Cathy Taughinbaugh, Parent Recovery Coach, specializing in work with parents and families, Founder of CathyTaughinbaugh.com

So, I invite you to download the free PDF booklet (linked to image above) and begin with Rachael’s story – you just might be able to help a child, to change a child’s life…

Of note, this booklet was written in 2013.  Much is still the same but some things have changed as science has advanced since then, and it certainly works for talking to children. But if you want a deeper understanding of the current information on alcohol use disorders and their impacts on families (secondhand drinking), check out my latest book, 10th Anniversary Edition If You Loved Me, You’d Stop! What you really need to know when your loved one drinks too much (2019).

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Of further note: this article first appeared in my April 17, 2013, article, “Talking to a Child About Secondhand Drinking – Secondhand Drinking,” which has been reviewed and updated in this post.

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Lisa Frederiksen

Author | Speaker | Consultant | Founder at BreakingTheCycles.com

Lisa Frederiksen is the author of hundreds of articles and 12 books, including her latest, "10th Anniversary Edition If You Loved Me, You'd Stop! What you really need to know when your loved one drinks too much,” and "Loved One In Treatment? Now What!” She is a national keynote speaker with over 30 years speaking experience, consultant and founder of BreakingTheCycles.com. Lisa has spent the last 19+ years studying and simplifying breakthrough research on the brain, substance use and other mental health disorders, secondhand drinking, toxic stress, trauma/ACEs and related topics.

Latest posts by Lisa Frederiksen (see all)

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