You’ve raised some very good questions. Before I respond, I need to make it clear that I am not a therapist nor medical doctor so this is not advice. I’ll just share what I’ve learned in my research. To answer your last Q, first, from what I’ve learned, if you do have a mental health illness, it is unlikely the various non-medical treatments you’ve tried will work. But, this is not bad — really. Unfortunately, mental illness gets much of the same stigma attached as does addiction. But let me share some reserach with you that may help…[Since I'm answering in the comments, I don't have the link capability, so cut and paste the links in your browser]:

I suggest you start with this one: “Managing Depressive Symptoms in Substance Abuse Clients During Early Recovery,” provides substance abuse counselors the “what,” “why,” and “how-to” of working with clients with depressive symptoms and substance use disorders, covering topics such as counseling approaches, clinical settings, cultural concerns, counselor roles and responsibilities, screening and assessment, treatment planning and processes, and continuing care.” It is free, and although it’s for counselors, etc., it should give you some ideas. Here’s the link:
http://ncadistore.samhsa.gov/catalog/productDetails.aspx?ProductID=17976

Also try this one: “A Consumer’s Guide to Mental Health Services Decade of the Brain NIH.” It’s also under SAMHSA (Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration)’s National Mental Health Information Center.
http://mentalhealth.samhsa.gov/publications/allpubs/cmh94-5001/Default.asp
The opening statement reads, “Twenty percent of adult Americans – or one in five – will have a mental illness during their lifetime that is severe enough to require treatment, and many more have problems that prevent them from enjoying their lives.”

I hope this helps you with a place to start. I am sure it’s soooooooooooo frustrating to not feel a lot better now that you’ve stopped drinking. Just know that BOTH depression and addiction can be fully treated! Another thing to know is that anti-depresssants don’t necessarily have to go for the rest of your life, depending on your diagnosis, of course. I, myself, took them for a while some 12 years ago for what I was told was “situational depression.” Probably the best thing you can do is find a highly qualified person (one who is trained AND experienced in treating co-occuring addiction and mental illness) and get a professional assessment and consultation. You don’t have to do anything else after that, but it may put your mind at rest — you’d know for sure what you are dealing with.

I hope this helps…it takes a HUGE amount of courage to do what you’re doing.
Lisa

So I recap: If I get my life back in order and I am still unhappy, do you have suggestions that do not involve anti-depressants?

ps I do not judge others for their anti-depressant use, I just don’t want to use myself.