About Book
Fortunately, after decades of grappling with family alcoholism and alcohol abuse, a chance event pushed one of my loved ones into a treatment program and me into the family therapy program that accompanied it. I invite you to skim through the Table of Contents below, which will give you a sense of the book’s coverage – namely the key things I’ve learned after five years of research, therapy, interviews, AlAnon and “recovery work” — information I wished I’d known long before as it would have completely changed the way I’ve lived my life – especially in relation to my loved ones who drank/drink too much.
I also want to acknowledge and thank Jim Hutt, Ph.D. MFT, and Caroll Fowler, MFT, LMFC, for their consultation on this book through its many revisions. Their insights, comments and review were invaluable.
Table of Contents
Chapter 1: If You Loved Me, You’d Stop!
Chapter 2: You’re Not Crazy, Something Really Is Wrong
- What is Normal Drinking?
- Assessing Your Loved One’s Alcohol Use or Abuse
- So Why Assess?
- What is the Difference Between Alcoholism and Excessive Drinking (Alcohol Abuse)
Chapter 3: When Alcohol “Hijacks” the Brain – Addiction
- Basic Brain Facts
- An Example of How Alcohol “Hijacks” the Brain
- The Critically Important “Brake” System
- Biological and Environmental Risk Factors
- And if Your Loved One Started Drinking Before the Age of 21. . .
Chapter 4: Is There a “Cure?”
- A Good Offense is a Great Defense: Protecting the Drinking – Denial With a Capital “D”
- Is There a Cure for Alcoholism?
- Is There a Cure for Alcohol Abuse (Excessive Drinking)?
- Slips and Relapses
- Co-Addictions
- Dual Diagnosis
- A Progressive Disease
Chapter 5: Now What?
- The Turning Point for Me
- What is Codependency?
- Assessing Codependency
- Codependency Traits Are Not All Bad
Chapter 6: Reclaiming Your Life
- Codependents Have a “Brain Thing” Going On, Too!
- Knowing Where You’ve Been Sheds Light On Where You May Want to Go
- Learning How YOU Feel
- Stopping the Denial
Chapter 7: Reclaiming Your Life, Part II
- How to Respond Instead of React – Changing Where You “Think”
- Say What You Mean, Mean What You Say
- Suggestions to Help With Direct Communication
- Anticipate Your Own Slips and Relapses, They’re Part of Your Recovery
- Getting the Help You Need
Chapter 8: Change Your Relationship With Your Loved One – Reclaim Your Life
- Remember Who You Are Talking To So You Don’t Take What You Hear Personally
- Getting Rid of the Target
- Setting Boundaries
- Take An Alcoholic’s Word For It
Chapter 9: Taking Care of Business
- Helping Your Children
- The Difference Between “Parenting” and “Codependency”
- Understand Every Family Member Tells a Different Version of “Life at Home”
- Cover Your Assets
- Taking Charge of Your Children’s School and Medical Care
- Life Insurance / Wills / Who Takes the Children if Something Happens to You
And, Just One More Thing…Be Patient With Yourself
Acknowledgments
About the Author
Appendices
Appendix A For More Information
- A-1 About the Disease of Alcoholism
- A-2 About the Brain and Addiction to Alcohol
- A-3 About the Brain Under 21 and Addiction to Alcohol
- A-4 About Codependency
- A-5 About Addictions That Frequently Co-occur with Alcoholism
- A-6 About a Few of the Mental Health Illnesses That Frequently Occur in a Dual Diagnosis With Alcoholism
- A-7 About the Complete Definition and Explanation of the Disease of Alcoholism
Appendix B Treatment Options Frequently Used to Treat Alcoholism
Appendix C What to Look for in a Residential or Out-Patient Treatment Program for Alcoholism
Appendix D Codependency Assessment #2
Appendix E Slogans and Sayings to Help You Move From “Reacting” to “Responding”
Appendix F Change What You Think and You’ll Change How You Feel – Cognitive Restructuring Using Grammatical Opposites
Appendix G Suggestions for Help for Codependents
Bibliography
Endnotes
