It is one thing to talk about the facts of Fetal Alcohol Spectrum Disorder (FASD), which refers to a group of conditions that can occur in a person whose mother consumes alcohol during her pregnancy. But it’s quite another to actually hear from a person who has it. Today’s guest author, Lee Harvey-Heath, has courageously agreed to share his story of growing up with undiagnosed Fetal Alcohol Spectrum Disorder and the development of his own addiction to alcohol.

My Life With Fetal Alcohol Spectrum Disorder (FASD) | by Lee Harvey-Heath

Lee Harvey-Heath shares what it’s like to have Fetal Alcohol Spectrum Disroder (FASD) and his story of recovery from alcoholism.

Where to start? I suppose my story contains two different sides of the damaging effect that alcohol can cause. One is my own personal struggle with alcohol, the other is having to live with the brain damage I have caused by someone else’s alcoholism.

My name is Lee. I’m now 30 years old, and I’ve been sober for 4 years this November 1st.

I was born addicted to alcohol. Both my biological mother and father were alcoholics, unable to be suitable parents. At the age of three, I was taken into care, passed from foster home to foster home for 3 years until I was finally adopted at aged six along with my two older sisters.

I struggled greatly with school and was diagnosed Dyslexic and ADD. I did finish school but not with any good grades to speak of. I didn’t cope well at home and continuously ran away. I ended up being placed in a hostel for young people, which is when I finally had the freedom to do what I wanted. I was only just 16 and that’s when I started drinking. I started drinking very heavily in a short space of time, and I know now that even in my first year of drinking I had become addicted. I would wake up not remembering my actions from the night before, but back then it was fun, or so I thought.

My biological father died from his drinking when I was 10. I never got to see him and didn’t get to go to his funeral because my adoptive mum was not informed of his death until two weeks after his funeral. I didn’t take this well, and I had never really gotten over it. And that fuelled my own drinking for many years to come – 10 years to be precise. In those 10 years, I had attempted suicide many times, the first being at the hostel when I was 16. Very drunk and very emotional, I decided to jump out of a first floor window, not having the desired effect but I did severely damage my back.

I eventually moved back to my birthplace of Plymouth to try and rebuild a relationship with my biological mother. That relationship didn’t last very long. Although she had stopped drinking, she still had her addictions for other things.

Aged 18, I was going to college and had moved into another hostel in Plymouth. That’s when my addiction really took hold, and my life began to spiral out of control. For the first time, I was drinking whenever I could and would encourage my mates to join me just to make me feel better about needing to drink.

I got into my first serious relationship at age 20, and my girlfriend kept me in check when it came to my drinking. We ended up moving in together for a while, and she got pregnant, but the relationship didn’t last very long, and she broke up with me two months after my daughter was born.

I then started drinking heavily and was stopped from seeing my daughter because my addiction was more important to me at the time. A couple of years later, I was hanging around in the wrong crowds and got into trouble and got a 4-year prison sentence for robbery. I served 2 years and was released and was on license for two years. As soon as I was released, I started drinking that day. I had met another girl, and we got engaged, and we had a little boy, but yet again my addiction got in the way, and I was stopped from seeing him, too.

A few more years passed not seeing my children and that was heartbreaking, but it only fueled my drinking even more. I got arrested and cautioned a few times for being Drunk and Disorderly, and I had got on the wrong side of family in Plymouth and was threatened. I decided I had had enough. I was now 26 and had missed out on my children’s lives and wasted 10 years. I had broken family relationships. My sisters had given up on me and were convinced I was either going back to prison or going to kill myself through drinking. My only way out was to go and stay with my mum, so I did.

I managed to get sober after two relapses, but my home life wasn’t good. I hated being at home with my mum, and she would get frustrated with me everyday over silly things. And, she could not understand why she was dealing with the same issues that she had dealt with when I was a child. I forgot everything. I could not understand simple instructions. I would not see something as dangerous, and I couldn’t keep a job because I couldn’t do what I was being told to do.

My mum would continuously ask, “What’s wrong with you?” “Why won’t you listen?” Truth is, I didn’t know; I couldn’t explain that if she told me to go get something from upstairs, that by the time I got to the top of the stairs, I couldn’t remember where she said it was. She used to get so angry with me, saying I was lazy and bloody-minded and didn’t listen. By now, I had gotten used to it. I had heard it from schoolteachers when I was younger and from my mum. I had no idea what was wrong with me.

It wasn’t till my mum was in the library one day that she Googled all the problems I had, and they all pointed to one thing — Fetal Alcohol Spectrum Disorder (FASD). At that point my mum had just read a profile about me — I couldn’t concentrate on anything; I couldn’t remember simply things; I had very poor social skills; and I had no real friends. I struggled to see right from wrong, and that’s just the start.
We finally got the diagnosis after hours of testing and months of waiting.

All my years of struggling at school and growing up socially and mentally finally made sense. Obviously my own drinking made everything much worse but being sober made it much easier to spot. So with a diagnosis and finally being sober, I started to turn my life around. I moved back to Plymouth, eventually. I got my own place and am now on disability benefits and getting support. Since then, I’m using my own experience and knowledge of my brain damage caused by my mum’s drinking while pregnant with me to help others.

I’ve connected with other adults like myself, and I’ve set up two Facebook groups: Q & A on FASD and FASD: More Than What You See. I also had a new relationship. We settled and had a baby girl. And, I was filmed for a documentary for ITV called, “Exposure When Pregnant Women Drink.” Sadly that relationship ended. My girlfriend did not understand my problems. But I kept in touch with my daughter, and she now lives with me. I’m living independently, and my daughter and I are very happy. I am also seeing my older two children on a very regular basis. My sons’ mum and I are now back together and very happy together. She does understand my problems, although we could never live together as I need my own space. But we are happy, and all three of my children are happy to have their dad in their lives.

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For information on Fetal Alcohol Spectrum Disorder (FASD), click here.

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