Carolyn Hughes, in recovery since 1998 and today’s Face of Recovery. Thank you so much, Carolyn, for sharing your story!
Addiction Recovery – there is a great deal of confusion, stigma, shame and discrimination surrounding addiction, addiction treatment and addiction recovery. Yet those who have the disease of addiction (whether to illegal or prescription drugs or alcohol) and are in recovery live healthy, productive, engaged lives — the same kinds of lives as people who do not have this disease. But all the words and definitions and explanations in the world are not as powerful as the people themselves. To that end, we are grateful to the people in recovery who have decided to share their experiences so that we all may put a Face to Addiction Recovery.
Addiction Recovery – It’s real, it happens to real people, and it happens all the time. It is my great pleasure to introduce Carolyn Hughes, today’s Face of Recovery.
How did your addiction start?
Like many teenagers I was drinking before the legal age. From the very start I loved the effect that alcohol gave me. It made me feel relaxed and confident. Most of all, it numbed the pain of my being abandoned by my mother and abused by my father. I called drink ‘The Hurt Healer’ but this self-medication was I believe the key to how I became addicted.
Over the next 20 years my drinking increased and with it my dependency and my tolerance. I became an alcoholic and at the end was consuming one litre of vodka, a bottle of wine and several cans of beer each day.
What was the turning point for you? What made you want to get sober?
Even though I knew my drinking was a problem, I believed I could give it up when I wanted to. Of course I tried numerous times to cut back or quit, but inevitably without success. I didn’t understand it at the time but my mental need for alcohol was so much greater than the physical need. I couldn’t have given up without intensive treatment.
Eventually I reached one of the most terrifying points in my life. Alcohol totally controlled me – I couldn’t live with it but I couldn’t live without it. A combination of denial, guilt and shame led to an alcohol induced suicide attempt.
Surviving was my turning point. Grateful for the opportunity of a second chance I decided to reclaim my life.
What was your initial treatment?
I was offered a six month residential rehab with The Kenward Trust (UK) to follow a 12 step programme. Physically detoxing consisted of replacing alcohol with a mild tranquilizer in reduced amounts over a few days. That was the easy part!
Learning how to deal with my psychological dependency was extremely challenging. I had to confront the demons of my past and the fears of my future. I was so completely damaged emotionally but within the security of a small female group and under the guidance of amazing counsellors I took the first steps to recovery.
Do you do anything differently today?
Recovery means putting my sobriety first and making the necessary changes. Initially I had to learn how to communicate and socialise without a drink, how to refuse a drink, how to keep myself out of temptation. And I had to experience every-day life without my crutch. It was like learning to live again.
By far the biggest change for me was making the move from victim to survivor. Alcohol had stolen so much from my life and kept me in the victim mentality. Sobriety bought me into the realm of survivor.
I started to think differently and so I began to act differently. Today, I work hard at keeping a positive, hopeful and grateful attitude.
What is your life like now?
My life as an alcoholic was a nightmare. There wasn’t any area of my life that drink didn’t affect. It caused daily chaos and trauma not only for myself but for those around me. In the end it cost me my job, home and everything I possessed. Many relationships were damaged beyond repair. My dignity and self-worth were destroyed. There was nothing for me to live for.
Today is so completely different! It has been a long, hard road of physical and emotional healing, but I continue with the 12 –Step ethos and have a strong faith. Naturally there have been some testing and demanding times but the difference now is that they haven’t been caused by my alcohol abuse.
Within a few years of leaving rehab I met my husband, moved to his native Northern Ireland and had two beautiful daughters. Sobriety has protected my marriage and motherhood. Being able to say that my children have never seen me drunk means the world to me.
Having the courage to heal has enabled me to leave the depressed alcoholic in the past. Today I am not defined by my alcoholism. I am Carolyn – wife, carer, mother, sister-in-law, friend. I am a writer with a passion for raising awareness of alcoholism and mental health issues. I am a blogger of inspirational posts for anyone who wants to live their life as the person they were meant to be.
I no longer exist with the help of a drink, I live.
Have you anything to share with others who are currently struggling with a substance misuse problem or addiction? Or anything to share with their friends and family?
Any substance misuse problem or addiction isn’t just an issue for the individual. It impacts everybody. My advice to anyone, whether it is the problem drinker, drug addict, prescription pain-relief user is to ‘Get Help.’ My advice to their friends and families is to ‘Get Help.’
Asking for help isn’t a sign of weakness. It shows that you getting off the downward spiral of addiction and choosing a better life.
Addiction is not a solitary activity. And it is one that is accompanied with huge amounts of stigma and misunderstanding. The road to recovery is tough and can’t be done alone. Reach out and get support from those who have been there and from the professions who can direct you to the best treatments.
What is the best part of your recovery?
Fourteen years of sobriety has given me freedom in every sense of the word – physically, mentally, and spiritually. The best part is that I can live as my authentic self. My life is filled with faith, honesty, forgiveness, serenity and joy.
Nothing to hide. Nothing to fear. That’s recovery!
Thank you, Carolyn, so very much for sharing your story, and CONGRATULATIONS on 14 years RECOVERY!
Carolyn invites you to find out more about her current work at The Hurt Healer on Facebook and The Hurt Healer Blog.
You may also wish to “meet” others sharing their recovery stories with BreakingTheCycles.com by clicking on this link, Faces of Recovery.
Guest
Latest posts by Guest (see all)
- Understanding Your Mind, Mood and Hormone Cycle | Interview with Leslie Carol Botha, WHE - May 10, 2013
- Face of Recovery | Tina Levene - May 2, 2013
- Paleo Lifestyle and Addiction Recovery - April 25, 2013
Congratulations on 14 years of sobriety. Kudos to you!
Thank you for all your support and encouragement Rita!
A beautiful story! Healing starts when one is ready. So happy that you reached out and that your bottom didn’t end in death. You are a treasure and an inspiration to others. Thanks for a fantastic post, Carolyn!
You’re so right Martha. Healing can only start when the person is ready. Sometimes it takes getting to rock bottom, but then the only way is up!
Carolyn is one of my online friends and she is AWESOME. What a great testimony how life can change… amazing. Happy 14 years of sobriety! YOU deserve the best… x0x
Thank you Norma. I appreciate your lovely comments!
Beautiful story and Carolyn is a great inspiration to me . Thank you for sharing.
Terressa, I appreciate your kind words. Thank you!
What a powerful and inspiration story about how Carolyn moved her mindset from victim to survivor. “Nothing to hide. Nothing to fear. That’s recovery!” I know Carolyn online as well and she walks her talk. She is amazing!
Thank you Sherie for saying that I walk my talk. That’s very important to me!
What a wonderful testament to your recovery, Carolyn. My personal life wouldn’t currently exist without recovery. I am grateful every single day!
Thank you and congratulations to you too Jeanne
Thank you for sharing your story! You are brave and amazing! What an inspiration!
Thank you for your kind comments Angela!
As a school friend, i never knew how much you were suffering. It makes me sad that i was not there for you at a time when
thank you x
you needed help.
Life can be so cruel, and you have had more than your share of hard times. However, you have over come so much now and are
so inspirational to others. Though sharing your stories, you will be able to show people going though similar times that there
is a ‘light at the end of the tunnel’ and that you can turn things around.
Carole you have always been such a lovely caring person! Remember my domineering dad? How could anyone have helped with him in the picture?
Your comments are so encouraging to me especially as I know that you have had your own trials. The light at the end of the tunnel will always appear if we just keep strong
Thank you for sharing this awesome story with us! I love the story where the HEROINE nakes it through all the trials and lives to tell the tale and encourages others to do the same! Thank you Lisa and Carolyn.
I love those stories, too, Elizabeth!! Thanks so much for your comment – Carolyn is amazing and her story so inspiring.
Thank you for such kind comments Elizabeth!
I am so proud of you Carolyn, I have read your story more than once and even today again this interview you make it very clear to us how much you did to get to this place. thanks again for reaching out!
Olga you are always so supportive. I try to get the message across that even though it’s difficult to overcome addiction, it is possible and it is worth it!
I love “Nothing to hide. Nothing to fear.” That’s a great motto for a recovering addict! Thanks for being so honest and open in your story, Carolyn. Whenever I read what you write about your past, I walk away in awe.
Hiding and fearing were such a big part of my alcoholism. Recovery brings freedom from both. Thank you Nisha for all your encouragement
Carolyn, your story gives hope and inspiration to anyone struggling with addiction. Thank you so much for having the courage to share.
Thank you Laurie. It’s only through sharing and being honest that the stigma of addiction can be challenged.
Hi Carolyn and Lisa,
Beautiful story from addict to advocate. You have experienced so much and yet now you have so much to give. Your life feels harmonious, and all the possibilities are open to you. Best of luck, my friend.
I really appreciate your kind comments and support Cathy. Thank you!
Wow…even though we do not know each other personally, I am so proud to call you my friend. Thank you for so openly sharing your story with the world. : )
That is such a lovely compliment Steve. Thank you!
I know Carolyn on-line also… I really respect your openness and vulnerability in sharing your story… it IS possible to turn things around even when it seems so dark. I love your line “Nothing to Fear. Nothing to Hide” that certainly is recovery and living!
Thank you Moira for your suport. It’s never easy to turn addiction around but it can be done!
So happy to have met you Carolyn and so very proud of what you have accomplished. What are your goals looking into the future and putting all of this behind you?
Thank you Anita! The great thing about long term recovery is that addiction no longer becomes the focus of your life. My main goal is to get published to be recognised as a good writer not the alcoholic writer. My addiction has lead me to this place today but I am happy to leave the past behind and move on!
Carolyn, you inspire me so much! Thanks for sharing your story. You inner strength and wisdom is such a gift to those around you.
Reading your posts, over time I’ve come to realize how many of life’s little “givens” you missed out on while you were growing up in your “hurt healer” state. And what brings joy is witnessing how you have more than caught up, Carolyn, through your love and faith. May the love that surrounds you always grow and bring you peace.
Carolyn, you are truly an amazing and inspiring woman. Thanks so much for sharing your story so that others will know that recovery is possible!
Lisa, thank you for sharing Carolyn’s story. Carolyn, thank you for allowing Lisa to share your story. It needs to be read or heard by many. My favorite part is the ending: “Fourteen years of sobriety has given me freedom in every sense of the word – physically, mentally, and spiritually. The best part is that I can live as my authentic self. My life is filled with faith, honesty, forgiveness, serenity and joy.”
Thank you so much, Pat, for reading and adding your comment. I very much agree with you – Carolyn’s story is powerful and should be heard/read by many!
Thank you Pat your kind comments. It is wonderful to be able my story to show that no matter how bad it gets there is always hope and that life can be fulfilling and happy without alcohol!
Mind blowing! So glad to have a chance to get to know you and learn more of your amazing journey. Very inspiring, and encouraging for anyone who is or has a loved one who is dealing with addiction at any level.
Thank you Susan. Great to know you too! Addiction is such a terrible disease but there is always hope of recovery even when it looks like there is none!