“We are shaped by our thoughts; we become what we think. When the mind is pure, joy follows like a shadow that never leaves.” ~ Buddha

Kittens, puppies, little children and newlyweds are full of boundless joy.  Do you sometimes feel that there is too little joy in your life? We often feel overwhelmed with everything we have to do.  Add addiction to the mix, and our joy seems to disappear.

We can all live a life filled with joy. It is possible.

It takes looking at our lives and making the decision to make a change. Let’s take a look at why our lives are lacking in joy.

We need the basics to survive in life. We need to earn money, a home, clothing and food on the table for ourselves and our loved ones. We then need to keep up our homes, cook the meals and other various chores to maintain our life. When we realize that one of our loved ones is addicted to drugs or alcohol, we now feel like we are on a sinking ship.

Our mind is filled with thoughts about our daily tasks. In addition, we are now trying to solve our loved one’s addiction problems. There is no time for self care, and we have lost our ability to thrive.

Changing our mindset and our “stinking thinking” as they say in Al-Anon gives us the opportunity to get our lives back and find some joy.

1. Detach with Love

When we begin to detach with love from the addict, we allow ourselves to refocus our mind and our energy. There are no words that we can say that will fix the addict. They need to make that decision themselves. The more we push, the more they push back. Letting go may give the addict the opportunity to be responsible for their life, and thus feel the consequences of their choices.

2. Learn the Life Lesson

When life is difficult, there is a lesson to be learned. Seek out the lesson and learn from it. When addiction strikes a family, everyone has a part. What is your part and what can you take from the experience? There are many resources to help, such as a therapist, support group, books, videos, and a coach. Seek the help you need. Life’s journey should not be so difficult. Find the pleasure in life’s everyday moments.

3.  Live in the Present Moment

Living in the present moment, or doing one thing with full engagement gives us the chance to recapture the happiness of our life. Our mind wants to wander in other directions and it is not always easy to rein it in. We want to think about what happened ten years ago that caused the addiction, what is going to happen to our loved one in the future, as well as the next chore that needs to be done. When we do that, we miss out on experiencing the moment. Living in the present moment gives us peace and serenity.

4. Set Up Boundaries

At a recent wedding I attended, a minister spoke about the couple being on the same page. Having the same goals and continuing to see the big picture would lead to years of happiness as a married couple. Being on the same page with ourselves can also bring us happiness. When we fully understand our part in our loves one’s addiction, set up our boundaries, and follow through, we begin to take back our lives. We then have a little time to see the beauty in life.

5. Treat Yourself with Kindness

When addiction strikes, we lose ourselves in the situation, and often forget about our needs. Think about yourself again. Take care of yourself by eating well, exercise often, meditate, write in a journal, take a hot bath, have something beautiful to look at.  Love yourself and then you will be able to love others.

6. Watch your Finances

Addiction in the family can be financially draining. Think wisely about what you spend and consider whether it will truly make a difference. Do not financially support the addict’s habit by providing the necessities of life while the addict continues to abuse drugs or alcohol. Let the addict take responsibility for their financial life.

7. Forgive

Healthy relationships need forgiveness. Addiction hits us hard and causes much chaos in our lives, such as sleepless nights, anxiety, fear, and embarrassment. We become emotional exhausted from the experience. Let your heart be big and find compassion. We continue to be miserable when we blame our unhappiness on the addicted person. Forgive, get your power back and find the joy in life.

Be Well.