When Adults Send Mixed Messages About Drinking

When adults send mixed messages about drinking, it can result in unintended outcomes for teens.

Here are some messages from adults that I’ve repeatedly heard regarding underage drinking, followed by the way teens often interpret the message, and in some cases, followed by a second thought for the adult.

Adult: If you’re going to drink, don’t drive – call me.
Teen:  It’s okay to drink as long as I don’t drive.

Adult: They’ll be off to college next fall, where there is a lot of drinking. It’s important they learn how to drink so they don’t get into trouble.
Teen: Yay!
On second thought for the adult: Because the brain is going through it’s final stages of brain development, it’s better to delay drinking as long as possible. According to the NIAAA, every year a person delays drinking before age 21, they reduce the risk of becoming dependent on alcohol by 14%. Take a look at related blog post, “How Teens Become Alcoholics Before Age 21.” Also, here is a link to NIAAA’s “Research About College Drinking and Prevention.” Another way to think of it… we don’t give teens the car and tell them to figure out how to drive on the freeway at age 14 — and keep practicing until they get it right — so they’re ready when they apply for their driver’s license at age 16.

Adult: I’d rather they drink here, and I take away the car keys. That way, no one will get hurt.
Teen: You’re the best!
On second thought for the adult: The majority of teens who drink don’t drink to savor the taste or enjoy a beer or two. (Think Beer Pong.) They drink to get drunk, or if not intentionally drunk, they drink in quantities that will get them drunk. As a parent hosting such a party, you cannot keep track of how much is being consumed (think Water Bottle), nor who comes/where they are (think BACKYARD and there is no guest list [think cell phone/Facebook blasts]). Additionally, because the young brain is not fully developed, teens can often drink far more alcohol than adults before they pass out, for example, but that does not mean their brains are handling it. The liver can only metabolize about one drink per hour (a very rough average)… eight drinks is a lot of alcohol “sitting” in the brain (easy to do when you’re playing Beer Pong and ‘doing’ shots), waiting for eight hours to be metabolized by the liver. Check out this related post, “How Long Does Alcohol Stay in the System?”

It can be so difficult to navigate the high school years and what to do about drinking. As parents, we all want to do what’s best for our children. But new research is giving us new insights as to how alcohol works on the brain and how the brain develops. Hopefully the above can help. Most importantly, talk early and often (not lecture, but talk) with your teens. Using the science can help.

Lisa Frederiksen

Lisa Frederiksen

Author | Speaker | Consultant | Founder at BreakingTheCycles.com
Lisa Frederiksen is the author of hundreds of articles and 12 books, including her latest, "10th Anniversary Edition If You Loved Me, You'd Stop! What you really need to know when your loved one drinks too much,” and "Loved One In Treatment? Now What!” She is a national keynote speaker with over 30 years speaking experience, consultant and founder of BreakingTheCycles.com. Lisa has spent the last 19+ years studying and simplifying breakthrough research on the brain, substance use and other mental health disorders, secondhand drinking, toxic stress, trauma/ACEs and related topics.
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