Why All Does Not Seem Better When Your Loved One Stops Drinking
by Lisa Frederiksen
Time and again readers and those I speak with express their concerns that ‘things’ don’t feel better once the drinking stops. They worry that ‘this is it!’? Often this makes them fearful of their loved one’s recovery or question whether their loved one is really in recovery.
This is when it helps to recall the neural networks in a person’s brain have been impacted by their addiction to alcohol (see the category, ‘Brain Scans,’ to the right or read, “SPECT Scans Showing the Brain Can Change When Substance Abuse is Stopped“). Not only have the neural networks that rely on dopamine (our ‘feel good’ neurotransmitter – the one that allows us to feel pleasure) been compromised, but there are also ‘missing’ neural networks — those not strengthened and embedded because of the addiction (missing networks, such as those related to thoughtful vs reactionary processing of emotions, interacting with people when sober, ‘doing’ life without alcohol). So not only does a loved one have to overcome the embedded networks related to their alcoholism (drinking buddies, time of day, their method for handling stress, sneaking / hiding / defending / consuming alcohol), they have to create new ones for how to have fun and live life without it.
This is where the ‘tools’ of recovery come into play. These can include a formal treatment program (residential or outpatient), individual therapy (with someone who understands addiction), AA, group therapy, cognitive behavioral therapy, nutrition and exercise modifications/programs (you’d be amazed at the new research that shows the positive impacts of nutrition and exercise on neural networks), meditation — there is a wide, wide range of what works and each individual has different needs – needs that will likely change as recovery progresses.
The amazing, wonderful thing is the brain can change and life truly can get better. It can take a year or even three, but it does get better in between and along the way. The best thing a family member can do is learn as much as they can about addiction / alcoholism and learn what has happened to their own neural networks as a result of loving/living with an alcoholic without understanding the disease.
Check out this related post: Codependents Have a Brain Thing Going On, Too
November 4th, 2009 at 9:43 am
Thanks for the post.
Yes, this is a common occurance when someone stops drinking. Sometimes the only person the loved one knew/knows is the drinking person and not really the truly sober person. The recovery alcoholic is now dealing with his/her emotions and other issues as well as not being able to drink.
The loved one going to Alanon would be extremely helpful.
February 7th, 2010 at 4:05 pm
[...] Why All Does Not Seem Better When Your Loved One Stops Drinking [...]