Addiction Recovery – Why All Does Not Seem Better When Your Loved One Stops Drinking
Addiction recovery takes time because it involves healing the brain.
Addiction Recovery – why does it not “feel” better when a loved one finally stops drinking (or using drugs, if they’re a drug addict) and seeks help?
Time and again readers and those I speak with express their concerns that “things” don’t feel better once the drinking (or drug use) stops. They worry that “this is it!?” Often this makes them fearful of their loved one’s recovery or question whether their loved one is really in recovery.
Healing a Brain of the Disease of Addiction (Whether It’s to Drugs or Alcohol)
The first thing we need to understand is that addiction (whether it’s to drugs or alcohol) is a chronic, often relapsing brain disease. It is a developmental disease that always starts with substance abuse. The substance abuse changes the chemical and structural make-up of a person’s brain making that particular person’s brain more susceptible to the five key risk factors for developing the disease (genetics, mental illness, childhood trauma, social environment and early use).
It’s been 10 years since I wrote this post, so I want readers to know about my latest book, 10 Year Anniversary Edition If You Loved Me, You’d Stop! What you really need to know when your loved one drinks too much. The first half explains alcohol use disorders – how they’re developed and treated and what long-term recovery requires. In the case of alcohol abuse, for example, it’s possible to learn to “re-drink,” but in the case of alcoholism, it must be total abstinence from alcohol, yet in both cases, there are other brain healing aspects necessary in order to address “why” a person finds themselves drinking to these extents in the first place. The second half explains what happens to family members and friends and what they can do to take back control of their physical and emotional health and the quality of their lives. The book comes in both paperback and kindle.
This is when it helps to recall the neural networks in a person’s brain have been impacted by their addiction to alcohol (see the category, Neuroscience Research | Scans, to the right or read, “SPECT Scans Showing the Brain Can Change When Substance Abuse is Stopped“). Not only have the neural networks that rely on dopamine (our “feel good” neurotransmitter – the one that allows us to feel pleasure) been compromised, but there are also “missing” neural networks (missing networks, such as those related to thoughtful vs reactionary processing of emotions, interacting with people when sober, ‘doing’ life without alcohol). So not only does a loved one have to overcome the embedded networks related to their alcoholism (drinking buddies, time of day, their method for handling stress, sneaking / hiding / defending / consuming alcohol), they have to create new ones for how to have fun and live life without it.
This is where the tools of recovery come into play. These can include a formal treatment program (residential or outpatient), individual therapy (with someone who understands addiction), AA, group therapy, cognitive behavioral therapy, nutrition and exercise modifications/programs (you’d be amazed at the new research that shows the positive impacts of nutrition and exercise on neural networks), meditation — there is a wide, wide range of what works and each individual has different needs – needs that will likely change as recovery progresses.
The amazing, wonderful thing is the brain can change and life truly can get better. It can take a year or even three, but it does get better in between and along the way. The best thing a family member can do is learn as much as they can about addiction / alcoholism and learn what has happened to their own neural networks as a result of loving/living with an alcoholic without understanding the disease.
Lisa Frederiksen
Latest posts by Lisa Frederiksen (see all)
- Does a Loved One Have to Hit Bottom? - November 20, 2022
- Resources for Parents of Children with Substance Use and Mental Disorders - October 18, 2022
- 4 Things to Support Brain Health and Function for Recovery - August 30, 2022
Thanks for the post.
Yes, this is a common occurance when someone stops drinking. Sometimes the only person the loved one knew/knows is the drinking person and not really the truly sober person. The recovery alcoholic is now dealing with his/her emotions and other issues as well as not being able to drink.
The loved one going to Alanon would be extremely helpful.
Hi in dealing with the Recovering alcoholic, may I tell him that I am detaching with love? That I am using those strategies, alanon and other resources to detach in a way that will benefit all of us? Is it appropriate to say that?
To me, I feel it gives me strength. I have seen alcoholism as a very selfish disease. I want to get some power with alanon.
Hi Susan… that’s totally fine to say something like what you’ve described. ~Lisa