Guest Post by Patrick Meninga
So you want to know how to help an alcoholic without enabling them?
We really want to help the alcoholic, but in many cases we end up sabotaging their efforts because we are not allowing them to come towards a natural change in their life. So what do we do in order to avoid this enabling behavior? How do we know for sure if we are helping the alcoholic or if we are enabling them?
Here are some strategies that might serve you well:
1) Do not give them money – This is an easy rule that cuts right to the chase. Alcoholics need money in order to drink, but you should never give them money, even if they need to feed their children. This can sound really bad for a moment but try to comprehend for a moment how devious and coniving alcoholism can be. They might have already spent their money on booze, knowing that someone would step in and not let their children go hungry. If you give them money in this case then you are not feeding children, you are buying booze. Don’t let this trick you.
2) Suggest treatment but do not threaten or force them – if you try to force the issue this will only create resentment and more drinking. People who are forced or strongly coerced into treatment do not stay sober. The alcoholic must want to change on their own so your best course of action in some cases is to make the offer that help is available to them.
3) Consider a formal intervention – think long and hard before doing a formal intervention because there is a chance that it can backfire and strain the relationship even further. That is what makes this a last resort effort – the possibility is that an intervention could actually make things worse. On the other hand, an intervention could be the last step in a person’s journey towards the surrender that could ultimately change their life. Actually, most interventions will turn out to be a small piece of their start on recovery….it might not produce immediate sobriety, but it could be a piece of the puzzle for some people.
