“If you have an alcoholic in the family, I can think of no better resource to have on hand than Lisa Frederiksen’s If You Loved Me You’d Stop! This book should ship automatically with the first signs of problems or abuse… it’s almost like having a user manual for the alcoholic. I am not saying this just as a catchy phrase; the book is brief and to the point, covers the basic features of all models (excessive, abusive and alcoholic drinkers), covers maintenance and trouble shooting tips, and has an expansive resource list for getting further help.
“Honestly, I had almost given up on recovery books- these days they all seem to fall in the useless categories of holistic sensationalism, quick fix cons, and self promoting ego trips. Lisa’s book however is packed with facts, highly instructional, and not weighed down by useless fluff. You can read it in an afternoon, but just like a car manual, you’ll want to keep it in the glove box so you can refer back to often for routine maintenance and in case of severe trouble.”
The Discovering Alcoholic
“Having a family member or close friend who drinks too much can be confusing, and many times your efforts to help the alcohol abuser seem to only make the problem worse. It’s even more difficult to understand WHY someone continues drinking. We’ve all asked the questions: Don’t they love you? Don’t they see that they are hurting you? Why won’t they just stop and get the help they need?
Recently I had the opportunity to read Lisa Frederiksen’s Book If You Loved Me, You’d Stop! What You Really Need to Know When Your Loved One Drinks Too Much, which gives the answers to all of the questions we face when living with or trying to help an alcoholic.
The author’s own experiences with a person who drinks too much, coupled with medical research and popular recovery program tools gives an added insight to understanding the problem in depth – and getting the help that YOU need as someone affected by another person’s drinking. The non-confrontational and supportive tone helps you realize you’re not crazy or that the situation is hopeless – and there are things you can begin doing immediately to help your situation improve and reclaim your life.
Here are just a few examples of some of the things you can find in this book:
Definitions and Explanations of Alcohol Abuse as a disease
Quizzes and Assessments for Identifying Alcohol Abuse and Co-dependency
How Alcohol “Hijacks” the Brain
Understanding Denial and Setting Boundaries
Parenting With An Alcoholic Partner
How to Change Yourself to Reclaim Your Life
Additional Resources for Support, Treatment, and Information
Simply put, If You Loved Me You’d Stop is a book everyone must read, whether you are just recognizing the beginning stages of an loved one with an alcohol problem or have gone down the road of recovery already.
In addition to this fantastic book, Lisa also has created the website Breaking The Cycles which offers even more support and resources for someone concerned about a loved one’s drinking.
If you are concerned about a loved one’s drinking problem or recovery, this book is worth it to check out and read.” Chelle
“In this author I met a woman who GETS IT. Most importantly, I learned I AM NOT CRAZY. The symptoms and situations described in this book are real and clearly written from first-hand experience. If I didn’t know better, I’d think she’d been sitting at my dining table watching us the past 20 years!
I wish I’d had this book when I first started to realize my loved one was an addict/alcoholic. It’s a great primer for anyone who’s just begun to cope with a loved one’s addiction, but even years into the process, I still learned new things. It packs so much into less than 100 pages about the nature of addiction and abusive drinking in it’s many insidious forms.
Do you know what constitutes alcohol abuse? It’s less drinks than I had thought. Did you know that 50% of all alcoholism develops at a quite young age, like cigarette smoking? Did you know that pervasive alcohol consumption actually ‘hijacks the brain’? I didn’t.
I really appreciated her personal struggles and how she framed the story in terms of HER NEED for help. The chapters have titles like ‘You’re not crazy, Something Really IS Wrong’ and progress through a straight forward explanation of brain chemistry and gave me hope in chapters like ‘Now What’ and ‘Reclaiming Your Life’. She tells a sad story, yet one filled with hope for all of us who have struggled with a loved one’s addiction. So much hope! ”
Still Recovering Joanne
“This slim, easy to read book provides the best and most accessible summary of the latest brain research on addiction I have ever read. As a psychologist, I have read whole books on the subject. Even so, I learned more, not the least of which is how to better communicate the research to those who suffer. In addition, the author’s generosity of spirit, and gentle toughness vis a vis the experience of alcoholism shines throughout and continues into her wonderful website. This author could launch a movement.”
Barbara W.
“Lisa’s book is friendly, gut-level honest, intelligent, and 100% supportive of her readers. She “met me” with just the right information as I was forming questions about alcoholism and its effects in my life. The assessment on p.44 was a real eye-opener and very helpful…even after 9 years in Al-Anon!”
Lynn M.
“I used this book to explain to my teenager the dangers of drinking alcohol in an early age after he stole a bottle and drank it with his friends. He has alcoholism on both sides of his family and the risk that he might have the genetic predisposition that makes for a higher risk of developing an alcoholic’s brain is greater than the average person. Its also greater the earlier he starts I learned reading this book. Reading the chapter about the latest brain research really drove the point home for him I think. Thanks for writing this book.”
Jay Sea
“Ms. Frederiksen presents her material in a very clear, non-threatening, non-confrontational manner. She gives a new face to the problem of problem drinking and alcoholism. As a Stephen Leader, I recommend this book to Stephen Ministers to assist them in helping their care receivers deal with a loved one’s drinking.
This book is easy to read and grabs your attention from the beginning. I highly recommend it, both for the lay person coming to grips with the problem of alcohol and also for the professional who deals with it every day.
Well done, Lisa! The community has needed your book for a long time.”
Sandy Doudna
“You have made a valuable contribution to the literature and have done so with clarity, credibility and perhaps most importantly, with well-founded ‘hopefulness.’ You have taken a complex and frightening topic and made the content approachable and the message realistic and reassuring. I will not hesitate to recommend this book to my patients who are struggling with the insanity that underlies so many pain driven relationships where alcoholism and co-dependency are the ‘demons in hiding.’ Also I appreciated the distinction between reacting and responding and anchoring that to brain functioning and cognitive re-structuring and repair. Job well done!”
Lance McDonald, Ed.D, Licensed Psychologist
“When we come across a book or other resource that we believe may be helpful to some of our clients and friends, we tell you about it. …This is a concise, clearly written, and practical book for anyone whose loved one drinks too much. …”
Norris Family Law
“I began it one night about 11, intending to read just a chapter or two. The next thing I knew, I had finished the book and it was 5 AM! You really kept my attention. The research you did is incredible.”
Sandy Doudna
“. . . It answers so many questions – Lisa’s understanding of the disease, her understanding of alcohol abuse and codependency and the way she presents it – it’s just really a fine piece of work!”
Caroll Fowler, M.A., MFT, Retired Director of the Family Program at The Sequoia Center
“WOW! It took me years to know and countless books to read what you have put into one compact and fact-filled book. It’s a sincere, down-to-earth account of what you and many others have experienced and for those still suffering, a “bible” to live their life by.”
Joan Ryan
“…a must-read for anyone whose life has been touched by alcoholism. You’ll never see this addiction in the same light again!”
Beth Wilson, Integrative Life Coach and best-selling author, “He’s Just No Good For Me: A Guide to Leaving Destructive Relationships.”
“If You Loved Me, You’d Stop!” does not pretend to have all the answers. Rather, its focus is to help you think about the issues involved when someone you love has a problem with alcohol.”
Cathy Fleischman, RN, MSN
“If You Loved Me, You’d Stop! is about helping the spouse (or sibling) of an alcoholic survive and move forward as a whole person, with their dignity intact.”
Jim Johnston
“Neither in my practice nor my own search for answers about alcoholism, excessive drinking and codependency have I found a book like this.”
Cherie Zappas Tannenbaum, Nurse Practitioner
“Wow, even after 14 years in recovery, I was stunned by how much I learned from Lisa’s book – she provides straight-talking explanations about alcoholism, alcohol abuse, alcohol use, underage drinking and more. I’ve never found a book like this one — short and to the point, reads like a novel, packed with information and hope. It’s sure to help anyone who has a loved one who drinks too much.”
Joan A.
Please share your view below in comments.
“Lisa’s book is friendly, gut-level honest, intelligent, and 100% supportive of her readers. She “met me” with just the right information as I was forming questions about alcoholism and its effects in my life. The assessment on p.44 was a real eye-opener!”