Comments on: Add Nothing http://www.breakingthecycles.com/blog/2008/08/06/add-nothing/ ...using 21st century brain and addiction-related research to change how we talk about, treat and prevent substance misuse, underage drinking, addiction and secondhand drinking/drugging. Mon, 26 Jul 2010 19:40:04 +0000 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.8 hourly 1 By: Karen W. R. http://www.breakingthecycles.com/blog/2008/08/06/add-nothing/comment-page-1/#comment-28 Karen W. R. Sat, 06 Sep 2008 04:14:04 +0000 http://www.breakingthecycles.com/blog/?p=50#comment-28 I have 4 children, ages 23, 21, 19 and 16. This is a monumental task to try and control their drinking. Peers, society, stress and genetic tendency push them into it. There is nothing I can control, outside of what I "think" I am controlling. I am a baby boomer who drank and would party just like all my friends. What makes me think my kids would be any different. My nagging and rigid demands only pushed all my kids in the opposite direction. Let Go and Let God. All actions have there natural consequences. It is an illusion to think we (as parents) can control our kids. Yes, lead by example. Yes, instill good, healthy values and morals. Yes, designate boundries and consequences. Other than that, fate will take any situation out of "our" hands. This is a good thing! Who are we to think we have all the answers. We are all imperfect - perfect beings. The very situation we are straining to control, just may be the very ideal situation to occur for someone we love to "hit a bottom" and facilitate personal change. STOP TRYING TO CONTROL OUTCOMES. I have 4 children, ages 23, 21, 19 and 16. This is a monumental task to try and control their drinking. Peers, society, stress and genetic tendency push them into it. There is nothing I can control, outside of what I “think” I am controlling. I am a baby boomer who drank and would party just like all my friends. What makes me think my kids would be any different. My nagging and rigid demands only pushed all my kids in the opposite direction. Let Go and Let God. All actions have there natural consequences. It is an illusion to think we (as parents) can control our kids. Yes, lead by example. Yes, instill good, healthy values and morals. Yes, designate boundries and consequences. Other than that, fate will take any situation out of “our” hands. This is a good thing! Who are we to think we have all the answers. We are all imperfect – perfect beings. The very situation we are straining to control, just may be the very ideal situation to occur for someone we love to “hit a bottom” and facilitate personal change. STOP TRYING TO CONTROL OUTCOMES.

]]> By: Linda Schwartz http://www.breakingthecycles.com/blog/2008/08/06/add-nothing/comment-page-1/#comment-25 Linda Schwartz Tue, 02 Sep 2008 17:37:30 +0000 http://www.breakingthecycles.com/blog/?p=50#comment-25 We have never allowed underage drinking in our home and we've always discouraged any kind of underage drinking. However, both of my college kids are drinking at school, although one much more responsibly than the other. We give our disapproval, but at the same time we feel we have to balance it with guidance on how to drink responsibly. I think we are better off talking to him about how to avoid hangovers, giving him information on the new research findings about how alcohol affects the young brain, and reinforcing "don't drink and drive". I fear if we just draw a line in the sand and say "no drinking underage, period!" then we won't have opportunities to help guide him. I'm also concerned with what happens when they turn 21. I'm tempted to go to his college town for the event so that I can keep him locked up! We have never allowed underage drinking in our home and we’ve always discouraged any kind of underage drinking. However, both of my college kids are drinking at school, although one much more responsibly than the other. We give our disapproval, but at the same time we feel we have to balance it with guidance on how to drink responsibly. I think we are better off talking to him about how to avoid hangovers, giving him information on the new research findings about how alcohol affects the young brain, and reinforcing “don’t drink and drive”. I fear if we just draw a line in the sand and say “no drinking underage, period!” then we won’t have opportunities to help guide him.

I’m also concerned with what happens when they turn 21. I’m tempted to go to his college town for the event so that I can keep him locked up!

]]>