Breakingthecycles.com – Changing the Conversations

by Lisa Frederiksen

I’ve been in a number of situations lately where my heart went out to the wives, husbands, children and parents of alcoholics and drug addicts who were brand new to this journey called “recovery.” Their deep, deep pain, anger, desperation, confusion, isolation, longing for it to be better, sadness — and in some cases, numbed silence — waxed and waned as terms swirled through conversations.

Terms like codependent, enabler, SLE, IOP, in-patient, intensive out-patient, AlAnon, NarNon, powerless over alcohol, dual diagnosis and co-addictions were batted about as if they were words in conversations people had everyday with that nice check-out clerk at the grocery store. Terms that made no sense, nor could they be viewed as applying to them because they were just trying to get their loved one to stop!

And, then, of course, there were the concepts of “detachment” and “detach with love.” What the heck does that mean? Who’s going to make sure their loved one is safe; doesn’t substance; succeeds in recovery if they “detach?” For some, the idea of “detaching with love” after “all they’ve been through” was just too much.

And when you think about it, it is all too much. It feels like being told you have to learn to read, speak and write German and Chinese within the next month (the time-period it generally takes for a typical addiction treatment program) or you will have failed.

So, for all of you who are new to this, take it slowly. And, by slowly, I mean take it just for today, and in some cases, just for just the next 5 minutes. You do not, nor can you, have all (or even 2) of the answers to what happens next.

To give you a hand, perhaps, here are some previous posts that may help you stay in just for today. Believe it or not, there really will come a time when you can detach with love. For now, however, focus on trying to “detach.” And when all else fails (which it will because this is all so new), focus on your breath and simply breathe. Breathe in; breathe out; breathe in; breathe out. For those brief moments, your mind will detach and give you the moments of much-needed peace you need.

Why All Does Not Seem Better When Your Loved One Stops Drinking

Powerless Over Alcohol

About Letting Go

Choosing to Forgive an Alcoholic

P.S. For more information,  check out the “Brain Scans” and the “Help for Families” categories listed in the right column.

The Teen Brain
NWI Parent talks to: Dr. Carl S. Hale is a clinical neuropsychologist in Merrillville who specializes in learning and achievement in youngsters with ADHD, learning disabilities and autism. He currently has a U.S. trademark pending for NeuroLearning techniques. Read more…

Study Says Drinking With Your Kids Doesn’t Prevent Abuse
Dutch teens who were allowed to drink alcohol at home drank more outside the home than their peers and — along with other teens who drank — were at increased risk of developing alcohol problems, according to researchers from Radboud University Nijmegen. Read more…

NIAAA’s Underage Drinking: a Major Public Health Challenge
By the time they reach the eighth grade, nearly 50 percent of adolescents have had at least one drink, and over 20 percent report having been “drunk” (1). Approximately 20 percent of 8th graders and almost 50 percent of 12th graders have consumed alcohol within the past 30 days (1). Among 12th graders, almost 30 percent report drinking on 3 or more occasions per month (2). Approximately 30 percent of 12th graders engage in heavy episodic drinking, now popularly termed “binge” drinking—that is, having at least five or more drinks on one occasion within the past 2 weeks—and it is estimated that 20 percent do so on more than one occasion (2). Read more…

The following is a guest post by Bill White, M.S., a counselor, author, mentor, blogger and speaker specializing in depression, anxiety and general mental health issues. He hosts a blog, http://chipur.com, and does a lot of E.R. psychiatric emergency work in Chicago’s suburbs where he also spends time with his two teenage children.

This can be one brutal time of the year for so many reasons. Do I  really have to tell you that? I don’t think so.

Hmmm, let’s see. For many of us it’s bitterly cold, and when you throw cloudy and windy days on top of that you’re in for some major melancholy. And let’s not forget about the very short hours of sunlight (if there is any).

Then there’s the post-holiday letdowns. Now, for some, having the holidays in the rear-view mirror is reason to celebrate. But for others,  it’s the only thing that made life in any measure bright, and worth participation. Finally, there’s the small matter of facing a brand new year, which is likely to be miserable, just like the last one. Or so we think anyway.

Well, I don’t know about you, but I don’t like feeling icky. So what can we do to maintain a sense of, well, chipur (had to throw that in). How ’bout a few starters, in no particular order…

1. Create and get yourself in the midst of as much light as possible. I know it may let a bit more cold air in, but keep those curtains and blinds open during the day (you can keep the doors closed, though).
2. Avoid long periods of sleep, with the exception of normal sleep time (I know, “who sleeps?”). Keep regular sleep hours and get yourself up and get going.
3. Burn scented candles day and night. Listen to comforting music. Soothing is the word.
4. Take a warm bath with a scented oil. And don’t forget the candles.
5. Exercise in some manner. You don’t have to join a gym or buy one of those body-slaying contraptions you see on infomercials. Get creative.
6. Eat and drink well. You may be tempted to indulge in high simple sugar “comfort foods” and/or alcohol (or other substances), but it’ll only cycle around to make you feel terrible.
7. Buy a plant and personalize it. Maybe you already have one that’ll work. A friend of mine has a plant his dearly-departed mother bought thirty-seven years ago. It’s “Pauline,” and it’s very much a loved one to him.
8. Catch a movie, preferably at a theater.
9. Start a project. Man, there are so many possibilities. Write,  craft, scrapbook, sew, crochet, genealogy, take a class, find a social cause.
10. Absolutely do not isolate! Connect with family and friends. If you don’t have any, or you can stand the ones you have, find places where you can connect (preferably not online).

No doubt, this is a very tough time of the year for so many of us. And if we’re already enduring depression and/or anxiety (don’t really see how you can have one without the other…check-out this post), our  situation can quickly spiral downward. Do not allow that to happen (yes, we’re authorized to intervene)!

I don’t care how desperate our circumstances are, we can improve them…if we choose (three key words). So get after it, will ya’? Get the job done!

This can be one brutal time of the year for so many reasons. Do I  really have to tell you that? I don’t think so.

Hmmm, let’s see. For many of us it’s bitterly cold, and when you throw cloudy and windy days on top of that you’re in for some major melancholy. And let’s not forget about the very short hours of sunlight (if there is any).

Then there’s the post-holiday letdowns. Now, for some, having the holidays in the rear-view mirror is reason to celebrate. But for others,  it’s the only thing that made life in any measure bright, and worth participation. Finally, there’s the small matter of facing a brand new year, which is likely to be miserable, just like the last one. Or so we think anyway.

Well, I don’t know about you, but I don’t like feeling icky. So what can we do to maintain a sense of, well, chipur (had to throw that in). How ’bout a few starters, in no particular order…

1. Create and get yourself in the midst of as much light as possible. I know it may let a bit more cold air in, but keep those curtains and blinds open during the day (you can keep the doors closed, though).
2. Avoid long periods of sleep, with the exception of normal sleep time (I know, “who sleeps?”). Keep regular sleep hours and get yourself up and get going.
3. Burn scented candles day and night. Listen to comforting music. Soothing is the word.
4. Take a warm bath with a scented oil. And don’t forget the candles.
5. Exercise in some manner. You don’t have to join a gym or buy one of those body-slaying contraptions you see on infomercials. Get creative.
6. Eat and drink well. You may be tempted to indulge in high simple sugar “comfort foods” and/or alcohol (or other substances), but it’ll only cycle around to make you feel terrible.
7. Buy a plant and personalize it. Maybe you already have one that’ll work. A friend of mine has a plant his dearly-departed mother bought thirty-seven years ago. It’s “Pauline,” and it’s very much a loved one to him.
8. Catch a movie, preferably at a theater.
9. Start a project. Man, there are so many possibilities. Write,  craft, scrapbook, sew, crochet, genealogy, take a class, find a social cause.
10. Absolutely do not isolate! Connect with family and friends. If you don’t have any, or you can stand the ones you have, find places where you can connect (preferably not online).

No doubt, this is a very tough time of the year for so many of us. And if we’re already enduring depression and/or anxiety (don’t really see how you can have one without the other…check-out this post), our  situation can quickly spiral downward. Do not allow that to happen (yes, we’re authorized to intervene)!

I don’t care how desperate our circumstances are, we can improve them…if we choose (three key words). So get after it, will ya’? Get the job done!

Check out this video clip of Good Morning America’s January 31, 2010, story, “New Science Offers New Hope for Addicts.”

by Lisa Frederiksen

This article, DUIs in Drug Court Idaho, by Kendel Murrant, published in the Idaho Press-Tribune online, offers an excellent explanation of Drug Court – an alternative to incarceration for drug and alcohol related offenses, such as DUIs. As this article explains, treating the underlying problem — alcohol or drug misuse — for the presenting offense — a DUI, for example — is critical to preventing a recurrence of the presenting offense or the commission of an equally awful crime.

Quoting from Murrant’s article,

…High-risk offenders who don’t receive treatment through drug court either tend to not follow through with treatment, drop out or fail to follow conditions of probation, Jaeger said. But in drug court, “they stay in treatment long enough, are held accountable consistently and regularly enough to really change their behavior,” Jaeger said. “The treatment effect is more than skin deep.”

“Drug court — it gets right to the heart of the problem. They are there to treat people and help them overcome their addictions, period,” defense attorney Charles Crafts said.

And treatment also deals with more than the person’s addiction.

“It’s really focused on all the characteristics that makes a person pro-social, less likely to have attitudes toward committing crime … not just abstaining from the use of alcohol,” Jaeger said.

She said it’s common for repeat DUI offenders to have other attitude adjustments to make.

“They think, ‘Well, I can drink, I just need to be more careful, make plans to not drive.’ When they do drink, their judgment becomes impaired. The decisions they make in that condition are not good decisions.”

Another benefit to rehabilitation through problem-solving courts, Jaeger said, is that offenders can keep social supports.

“Having a job, having a family, taking care of your bills are protective factors, assets in making a recovery,” Jaeger said. “Those social supports are important in making lasting behavior change. The more supports that you can keep for a person, the greater likelihood that they can establish a lasting recovery.”

Crafts said the community-based treatment in problem-solving courts is a “progressive-thinking model” for rehabilitating offenders.

“I think that we have a tendency when someone gets in trouble to just turn around and want to punish them,” Crafts said. “Drug court — it’s definitely a punishment to be in drug court, but they do build in these motivations for people to be successful in the program. … It’s much more of a progressive-thinking model of rehabilitation.”

Click here to read the complete article.

Health and Wellness: Women under the influence
…One of the worst parts of her year-long addiction, she says, was thinking she was mentally ill. “I knew I had a drinking problem, but I thought I was crazy,” Tanis says. “Come to find out, take away the drink and your life comes back together.” Read more…

Scientists Read Brain’s Magnetic Fields to Spot PTSD
For the first time, researchers have been able to diagnose post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) by reading patterns of magnetic fields created by brain cells. The discovery, made by researchers at the University of Minnesota, provides a biological marker for the condition and could help in both diagnosing and treating PTSD, which is triggered by trauma and characterized by symptoms such as flashbacks and uncontrollable rage. Read more…

Teen Drinkers Suffer Nerve Damage in Brain, Sutdy Finds
California researchers who compared the brains of teen drinkers to non-drinkers found that young alcohol users suffered damage to nerve tissues that could cause attention deficits among boys and faulty visual information processing among girls. Read more…

by Lisa Frederiksen

Psychopharmacology is a term that appears in discussions with family members who have a loved one with a dual diagnosis. To answer the question, here is the definition from American Society of Clinical Psychopharmacology:

Psychopharmacology is the study of the use of medications in treating mental disorders. The complexity of this field requires continuous study in order to keep current with new advances. Psychopharmacologists need to understand all the clinically relevant principles of pharmacokinetics (what the body does to medication) and pharmacodynamics (what the medications do to the body). This includes an understanding of:

* Protein binding (how available the medication is to the body)
* Half-life (how long the medication stays in the body)
* Polymorphic genes (genes which vary widely from person to person)
* Drug-drug interactions (how medications affect one another)

Since the use of these medications is to treat mental disorders, an extensive understanding of basic neuroscience, basic psychopharmacology, clinical medicine, the differential diagnosis of mental disorders, and treatment options is required. Psychopharmacologists also must be skilled in building and utilizing a therapeutic alliance with the patient.

Who Qualifies as a Psychopharmacologist?

In a generic sense, any physician who treats patients with psychotropic medication is a psychopharmacologist. Physicians who have completed residency training after medical school have a high level of understanding and expertise in pharmacology, including psychopharmacology. Psychiatrists (who have completed four years of advanced training after medical school) have an even higher level of understanding and expertise in psychopharmacology.

For additional information, the American Society of Addiction Medicine (ASAM) offers “Patient Placement Criteria.”
Here is their product description:

ASAM’s Patient Placement Criteria Second Edition Revised (2001, revised 2004) provides a framework for placing patients with addiction disorders into proper treatment settings, both outpatient and inpatient. This new publication focuses on patients with alcohol use disorders, using the ASAM criteria. Chapters address pharmacotherapies and behavioral therapies for alcohol withdrawal and for prevention and management of relapse. Case examples bolster understanding of the recommendations made.

Other references specific to mental illness, include:
Bring Change 2 Mind
National Institute on Mental Illness (NAMI):  Medications

The following is a guest post by a good friend of mine, Jim Hutt, Ph.D., MFT, www.counselorlink.com, who specializes in relationships, family, parenting and addictions counseling. What he has to say about communicating with a partner will be especially helpful to couples whose relationship has been deeply affected by a partner’s drinking.

Do you ever wish your partner could read your mind? What I mean is, have your partner anticipate your desire so that you don’t have to ask for whatever it is you want?

Well, for sure, NOT having your mind read has been a source of conflict for many couples. But, here’s the rub: You may not get what you want if you don’t ask, because your partner cannot read your mind! Many of you tell me, while sitting in my office, irate at your supposedly insensitive partner, “But, if I have to ask, it doesn’t mean as much.”

That’s truly unfortunate. And besides, whatever happened to old adage that the power of the gift is in the giving? When did it change to the power of a gift is in the guessing and getting it right? If you refuse to ask because you think it means less, you the risk building a gap between the two of you in three ways:

First, you prevent your partner from giving to you, when he or she may be very willing to meet your request or desire, if you would only ask.

Second, you’re telling partner you are willing to receive, but only if it’s on your terms. You partner is likely to experience that as being selfish.

Third, your desire to be anticipated becomes more important than what you wanted in the first place.

Why does the mind-reading phenomenon play such an important role? Consider this:

To begin with, it partly goes back to courtship when, indeed, there probably was a fair amount of mutual anticipation and meeting of each others desires. Naturally, we would ALL love to have a blissful courtship continue endlessly, but it’s not realistic for a number of reasons I won’t go in to now.

Also, in courtship you probably experienced your desires endlessly gratified, some by request, but many without request. After awhile, when you think your partner knows you well, you then believe you need not ask for what you want—your partner should “just know.”

And consider this: The continuous desire for anticipated gratification is a way to feel now, long after the courtship, the same way you felt during courtship. Again, unrealistic, even if understandable.

Furthermore, some people don’t want to ask for what they want because they fear they might hear the dreaded word “no.” Rather than face the prospect of disappointment, they shoot themselves in the foot by not letting their desire be known. And, when they don’t get what they want because they did not ask, they blame their partner.

Finally, part of this goes back to the family of origin If you experienced chronic disappointment connected to not having basic needs tended to as a kid, there is a chance you will easily feel disappointment when you magically wish for something you are to afraid to ask for, and don’t get it.

So, both courtship, and early familial experiences play a role in this interesting issue that many couples face at one time or another.

Your partner does his/her best to anticipate you, and is also willing to give when you ask. Appreciate that, and reciprocate. Tell yourself that you ‘get’ to ask, not that you ‘have’ to ask. When you get what you want, show your appreciation of your partner for listening, hearing, and showing up. After all, he or she fundamentally cares for, and loves, you.

by Lisa Frederiksen

I’ll be returning home tomorrow evening from an amazing week in Mexico City working with the other partners of GARNET (Global Addiction Recovery Network). We collaborate with groups, treatment centers and governments to develop culturally sensitive programs they can then implement and in turn use to help families, addicts/alcoholics,  communities and governments grapple with all aspects of the family disease of addiction.

This was my first effort in Mexico with GARNET, and I was truly honored to  be working with our conterparts there. Addiction and its impacts on families and communities is universal. How we prevent and treat it can be greatly advanced by inter-cultural collaboration. We have so much we can learn from each other.

Study Shows Gene Changes in Brain Caused by Cocaine
…“This finding is opening up our understanding about how repeated drug use modifies in long-lasting ways the function of neurons,” said Nora Volkow, director of the National Institute on Drug Abuse. Read more…

AddicTIon Treatment in China Means Physical Abuse, Forced Labor
Drug users forced into addiction rehabilitation by the Chinese government face years of physical abuse and forced labor but get no actual treatment… Read more…